Saturday, 31 May 2014

The InSufferables: a new family of superheroes

This is of course Gorillaz but we like them and they offend!
It started as a WhatsApp conversation between my youngest daughter and I, but then our imaginations got the better of us...

Ganu got a slight shock from the metal hot water tap. Initially she thought that she had shocking powers. So I said, "But you do..." And she says, "Haha totes. But what will my superhero name be?" "Well," I say innocently, "Shabab [the Arabic for youth] means spark which is Iskra in Russian." She combines the two words and says, "Al Shabiskra! I will strike fear into the hearts of everyone. Not just bad guys coz good people can be annoying as well."

A few lines later we had:
  1. Silver Fox for me (because of the grey hair) and I am sly, see? I am supposed to be Al Shabiskra's side-kick!
  2. And Sadia, my better half? Well, her super power is to swear at IPL players that can't hit the bloody ball. So: Profanity. I thought it had a nice ring to it. There are many people who need to be sworn at because they just don't listen. 
  3. For Sara-Nida we thought of Conundrum because she is a riddle that would baffle her enemies. She doesn't like people much. Conundrum obviously wears a hoody as her costume. And she does not come out of her room unless it's very necessary.
  4. And Bilqis? Well, initially we thought of IQ [you know, the five distinctions and all] but on closer examination we figured Exuberance because she often has no need for Red Bull. It's also a parody on the days when she can be quite the couch potato.
  5. Jauzi was also somewhat of a dilemma. Ganu thought that Poof! would be just spot-on because he is "a small fart". I thought that was just nasty. Shame, his Mom (Profanity) is not home at the moment. Then we settled on Stick Boy. Because, you know, you can buy him all the toys in the world but he just goes gaga when he sees a stick (twig, branch, plank). Go figure.
Ganu loves this, "We will be like The Incredibles, only better, ruder and that makes us funnier!" And then she asks, "What is our ultimate goal? World domination?" This appealed to me because of Pinky and the Brain.
  • Pinky: "Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
  • The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—take over the world!"
But no. We had to be more original than that. So I foolishly said, "How about Eat the Worldor Sushi." Then Al Shabiskra got nasty again and changed my name, "Your name has been changed: Silver Fatty." Then she continues, "Before we eat the world we need to educate them first because I refuse to eat stupid people!" She is very finicky about her food.

I would have none of this, "Fatty?" I thought I was an Artful Dodger at least... "Ok," I say, trying to rescue my name, "How about our purpose is to offend people!" I figured that there were already a growing number of people who are already offended by us. So we are ahead of the game, right? Then, in a moment of pure genius, Conundrum, pipes up, "How about we call ourselves: The Insufferables! With the slogan: Move out of our way, we intend to offend!"

There. You have been warned! The InSufferables, coming to a neighbourhood near you. Are you offended yet?